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And again November

Or: A very special Autumn hell.

The November and I will probably never be close friends. I would not say directly that I detest this month, but I do not like him very well, so much is certain. In November, for me to put a lot of dark memories that I will probably never quite cast off.

They say that time would heal all wounds, but takes in some cases, probably a bit longer.

But the part is for me also because of the popularity scale very far down, because for me it is by far the most expensive month of the year. The first is hardly over, because even a coast to the charge settlement. And although my current provider, the down payment increases each year happy, I always - always - pay extra a huge chunk. Under other circumstances I would allow this fact as a kind of annual plague, but the shoe pinches or elsewhere.
Every November is something broken in my household, usually a part that I hold dear, and I never know who or what it will take. has

Last Year given up my beloved Saeco coffee machine from one day to their spirit. The year before my iBook is on it went, and was no longer partout repair. Told me the whole thing has a bored Gravis technicians, in a tone that I no different unmoved, if not, can bloodless denote:

"camel woman, you can not do anything."

"What do you mean by nothing ?

" Nada, zero, nothing, not a bit, no trace, not the bean, nothing ... "

" All right, I've got it! "

Did I

already mention that I firmly believe that there is a special hell for engineers?

This year, the surprise can not be long in coming. I was just on my way to Hanover, when my car only strange noises there, suddenly starts up the oil lamp. I am not a mechanic, but I know that in such a case no longer allowed to drive meters. So I put the turn signal, slipping on the hard shoulder and open the bonnet. Actually, no oil should be missing, for my workshop examined these things twice a year, and whenever the tire change. However, I cannot for a pint, and start the Body - or at least try it. But nothing. It is as if dead, responds to any of my attempts at resuscitation. Reluctantly I pull out the cell phone and understanding the ADAC. Once the expert has considered the matter, is his opinion of devastating:

"Huh?"

"So what" you have a Lotus Eater, "" Your oil pump is broken! "? Then you just get me a new one! "

He rolls his eyes," Good woman, this is called an engine failure, "
" And what can you do? "I tick by with tireless explorations.
"Nothing!" Gradually, I'll
really nervous.
"Define Nothing," I ask.
"Nada, zero, nothing, not a bit, no trace, not the bean, nothing ..."

nasty Möp This was probably the attic, I can not make this year really no engine trouble, not with this economy! But at this point he is foolish, and nothing I say, moderating his harsh judgments.

Did I mention that I firmly believe that there is a special hell for mechanics?

sob in my home I Tea. How should I come to a new engine - you can not simply develop those stupid piston eat? I just had to catch the single piston-eating-addicted on this planet where I'm pissed but even so? I have nothing against a pair of anorexic pistons, as long as they keep my car running. But in such conditions, the piston-union would work for sure storm. But I prefer a common imperialist, a real pig employer than that I renounce my set of wheels, yes!

Oh November, how much I hate you! Where not even the constant rain, a decent Depression to get? Is not it bad enough that I have birthday coming up, and everyone expected that I throw a big party? Is not it enough that even now calling all the Christmas preparations, and the family - and I mean the WHOLE family - again brings to my body? Do I not done so already to be bad things that as a capstone of my week as a stupid crap happens, I will not, and certainly can not use!

And although it already twenty years ago, overwhelmed me at this moment of pain, and drills like a burning poker in my heart.

It was one November day like this, when I lost my father and my sister in a traffic accident. The two were sitting in a taxi on the way to my birthday, when a vehicle rammed into the taxi. The two died at the scene. Despite the long period of time that would have to mitigate the sorrow, I cry every time bitter tears at the memory. I am overwhelmed by pain, like my whole family. This day has changed our lives irrevocably, and each of us has dealt in his own way with it. My mother never remarried, and two thirds of their remaining child refuses to bind. Maybe that is the reason that my "little" brother no longer get rid of, for he and I were totally fixated on our father, hung like two burrs in it. And my older brother? He and my sister had been a true dream team. They stuck together, as thick as thieves, so it's probably no surprise that he is after this disaster from the rest of the family estranged, has withdrawn completely.

He'm sorry, but even worse I'm doing my own suffering, and when would be the keyword snow beginning my "little" brother with me - of course without a ring before, or to ring only! Why he appears almost always when I'm just a howling misery? Did he perhaps a Heulsusenradar, the jumps whenever I threatened with my flood of tears Cologne with a new flood of the century? I have no idea how he does it, nor do I understand where this villain always knows so well what is going on with me and what I need now. He just knows it and he's there.

course, it's November, and my loss is his loss. But we do not talk about it. We can not.

"This can be determined to repair," he whispers, and weighs me like a child. But actually, we weigh each other. I pull up my very unladylike snot and moan:

"By this is the only union to blame! With the right piston that would not have happened "

can I have my brother: What kind of idiocy and I am entering from me, he does not show it. Keeps his poker face and nodded understandingly, as if to say: But of course, the unions and the power company! For which there is certainly a special hell!

But the truth is that I am the one who is in a special hell. One that has nothing to do with the devil, but with an attitude.

And although I do not want help, this comes from a very unexpected Direction, because my family is throwing together, and that gives me a nine motor for her birthday. After all, I have all the years before refused presents, no birthday, and no Christmas. But now I really need something, and this time I am not alone.

Basically, I'm never alone. I need only open your eyes, look around, and allow good things happen. Because when you stop believing in the good things in life, in the end is only bitterness and resentment, and, though so many beautiful things around us.

The next morning I trudge along with my brother through the forest of Cologne. The dead leaves cover the floor, the smell of autumn and the earth and the atmosphere is very special. Something wonderful is in the air. The wonder of nature, that deals with death and renewal. Next spring blooms and blooms again everything, and the cycle of birth and death begins again.

I'll never love in November. But maybe I can start giving my peace with him. . No such thing as an approach to risk possibly even reboot

who knows at least it is worth a try - camel says.

© Text & photo by camel in 2010

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